IF... Some Assembly Required vs. Pre-Packaged Greatness

You may not know, but all of these posts come from conversations about love that my girls and I have that come up fairly often, and I figure they do elsewhere too. So here it goes...

If is a word of hope, If this happens things will get better, if this happens I'll be happier.

If is a word of fear, If they find out I'm in trouble, If I don't get this done it's my behind.

If is a word of anger, If you don't do this I'm gonna snap, If you do that again we gonna fight.

But when it comes to love if is especially dangerous. Because even when we know something is wrong, and we know we should get over it, all we have to say is if and we're staying.

If he does this, if she changes this, if he stops this, we could be so happy and walk off into the sunset.

But if there is one thing I have learned after 20 years on this earth, it's that people don't, or at least, refuse to change.

See as women we see "some assembly required" guys, and we run to them, rather than away as we should, because we want to fix them, take those poor broken souls into our bosom, figuratively or literally, and hope that our love can heal their wounds, because IF they were fixed they would be perfect, and some of them do work on it. The diamonds in the rough that have finally found motivation to become better people, and subsequently, better significant others. But most are like leaches, they want the love you have to give but aren’t willing to act right, and hope that no matter how far they drag you into hell, you won’t turn around and say, “That’s it. I’m done.” And they’re smart, because like domestic animals, human beings only need to be shown loyalty, love, and attention, for a little while at the beginning, then small intermittent pockets of goodness, and you’ll never leave. How many times have you heard, “Yeah we fight all the time and he never calls me or returns my messages, but sometimes he acts right and everything is wonderful. I just want to get back to how it was in the beginning…”? It’s not a coincidence.

            I’m not gonna lie, I was just like this. I tend to see the good in people and blind myself to the bad, I mean IF it was good at one point it can get there again, right? So I went from fixer-upper to fixer-upper, and every time I got fed up and moved on I left them as somewhat improved, but it gets tiring. I don’t want “some assembly required” anymore, I want pre-packaged greatness. The guy who comes in knowing how to treat a woman, who doesn’t have time to play games because he’s on his grind, and while he isn’t perfect, he doesn’t have that much to learn, and could even teach me. I need someone who makes me want to work on me, someone who can be my pillar while I break down and rebuild myself. The man who makes me want to be Taylor 2.0. And the thought of that person who can elevate me to the next level makes all these SAR guys look, for lack of a better word, pitiful.

To everyone who reads this, put away the Ifs, because that word means your settling for less. I’m not saying that anyone who is an SAR should always be turned away, but look for legitimate potential, and know what a lost cause looks like. One way to test this, look at how you talk about him or her, if 3 out of 4 sentences are complaints and you don’t see that decreasing at any time, it’s a lost cause. If you’ve flat out told them what you require, and what needs to be changed, and they’re still the same, it’s a lost cause. If you put the amount of effort you give to the relationship on a seesaw and your end is making a groove in the dirt because his or her side has no weight, it’s a lost cause. STRAIGHT UP.

Personally, I’m done with Some Assembly Requireds, shoot what do I look like? We Buy Ugly Houses? I’m just going to do me, and wait for Mr. Pre-Packaged to arrive. Like they say, patience is a virtue.

Love,

V