New year. Same Blog. More postings... Promise!

SO... here I am. Two years after starting this blog. Actually I'm restarting all my blogs. And I'm going to stick with it this time. Promise...

SO... what's changed? A LOT! I graduated from undergrad summa cum laude, I got into grad school at an Ivy League PHD program and I moved cities!

SO... Can this blog still be called the V-Card Diaries? (O_O ) Yes... more on that at 11...

But seriously, I thought still being a virgin in undergrad was difficult. Try being in grad school. Where everyone is GROWN. Like we are legitimate adults and at the very least heading into our mid twenties. If not 30s... and 40s....

The V-Card Diaries have entered an entirely new league...

IF... Some Assembly Required vs. Pre-Packaged Greatness

You may not know, but all of these posts come from conversations about love that my girls and I have that come up fairly often, and I figure they do elsewhere too. So here it goes...

If is a word of hope, If this happens things will get better, if this happens I'll be happier.

If is a word of fear, If they find out I'm in trouble, If I don't get this done it's my behind.

If is a word of anger, If you don't do this I'm gonna snap, If you do that again we gonna fight.

But when it comes to love if is especially dangerous. Because even when we know something is wrong, and we know we should get over it, all we have to say is if and we're staying.

If he does this, if she changes this, if he stops this, we could be so happy and walk off into the sunset.

But if there is one thing I have learned after 20 years on this earth, it's that people don't, or at least, refuse to change.

See as women we see "some assembly required" guys, and we run to them, rather than away as we should, because we want to fix them, take those poor broken souls into our bosom, figuratively or literally, and hope that our love can heal their wounds, because IF they were fixed they would be perfect, and some of them do work on it. The diamonds in the rough that have finally found motivation to become better people, and subsequently, better significant others. But most are like leaches, they want the love you have to give but aren’t willing to act right, and hope that no matter how far they drag you into hell, you won’t turn around and say, “That’s it. I’m done.” And they’re smart, because like domestic animals, human beings only need to be shown loyalty, love, and attention, for a little while at the beginning, then small intermittent pockets of goodness, and you’ll never leave. How many times have you heard, “Yeah we fight all the time and he never calls me or returns my messages, but sometimes he acts right and everything is wonderful. I just want to get back to how it was in the beginning…”? It’s not a coincidence.

            I’m not gonna lie, I was just like this. I tend to see the good in people and blind myself to the bad, I mean IF it was good at one point it can get there again, right? So I went from fixer-upper to fixer-upper, and every time I got fed up and moved on I left them as somewhat improved, but it gets tiring. I don’t want “some assembly required” anymore, I want pre-packaged greatness. The guy who comes in knowing how to treat a woman, who doesn’t have time to play games because he’s on his grind, and while he isn’t perfect, he doesn’t have that much to learn, and could even teach me. I need someone who makes me want to work on me, someone who can be my pillar while I break down and rebuild myself. The man who makes me want to be Taylor 2.0. And the thought of that person who can elevate me to the next level makes all these SAR guys look, for lack of a better word, pitiful.

To everyone who reads this, put away the Ifs, because that word means your settling for less. I’m not saying that anyone who is an SAR should always be turned away, but look for legitimate potential, and know what a lost cause looks like. One way to test this, look at how you talk about him or her, if 3 out of 4 sentences are complaints and you don’t see that decreasing at any time, it’s a lost cause. If you’ve flat out told them what you require, and what needs to be changed, and they’re still the same, it’s a lost cause. If you put the amount of effort you give to the relationship on a seesaw and your end is making a groove in the dirt because his or her side has no weight, it’s a lost cause. STRAIGHT UP.

Personally, I’m done with Some Assembly Requireds, shoot what do I look like? We Buy Ugly Houses? I’m just going to do me, and wait for Mr. Pre-Packaged to arrive. Like they say, patience is a virtue.

Love,

V

Cuffing Season... The single girl's Great Depression

Dear Diary,

SO... this is my first post and it'll basically be my adventures as a college virgin... but that's not the immediate problem. Cuffing Season is.

If you don't know, cuffing season is that period between the first temperature drop of the fall and the day it consistently stays above 65 degrees, somewhere around April. Nothing is better when you're cold than cuddling up with a "boo thing" and settling in to watch the snow fall. Your love keeps you warm and you're so attached to that person it's like you're handcuffed to them. Hence the term Cuffing season.

Which is all well and fine... unless you're single. Then you get to watch all the couples huddling for warmth while you shiver at the shuttle stop. It's like the Great Depression, you're the dustbowl farmer with nothing and they're all living like the Rockefellers. All you can think is, Damn, where's my daddy Warbucks to sweep me off my feet?

But the good thing is you're never alone... not with this girl-guy ratio. So you and all your single friends sit in dorm rooms, or libraries, or classrooms, or at bus stops repeating, "I need a man." "I need a Boyfriend." "I need a boo thing." like some kind of mantra. And every group consists of the same girls. The Optimist: I know he's coming! I won't give up! Miss Too Grown: There's too many immature guys who aren't ready for what I have to offer. The Philosopher: It's because we're looking. When we stop looking he'll be there. And The Waiting Christian: God has a man prepared just for me and the day he decides I'm ready he will appear. I just have to wait. Patience is a virtue. How do I know? At some point in time, I've been all of these women. What can I say? Misery loves company, and after some cupcakes and spiked hot cocoa who can be miserable?

In any case, its not all bad, while cuffing season alienates the single girl, it makes female friendships even stronger. And once the snow thaws out and all the winter lovebirds "see other people" for some warm weather fun, those friendships will still be there.

A weak consolation, I know, but hey silver linings have to start somewhere...

Love,

V